This last week of work has stretched me to say the least. Do you ever get to the point where you don’t know whether to laugh or cry, to feel angry or ashamed? In a nutshell, that was me this week. The worst of the days would have been Tuesday; one of those days where it actually feels like everything on the earth is pointing it’s finger at you saying “you’re useless!” and “there’s no way you can do this, just give up”. A horrible feeling, which we all experience from time to time. Just to up the anti a little (or a lot), I was also extremely hormonal and a lot of people in the office were stressed. Stress is one of those things that when it’s near you, it has a way of creeping in to your mind and taking hold of your thoughts. I couldn’t believe all the things that seemed to be going wrong for me, the stupid little mistakes that I had been making all week long. I think I spoke to God consistently on Tuesday, begging and pleading that He would pick me up and carry me out of there, or at least just give me the strength to go on, and for the life of me to just stop screwing up.
I decided it was time to just get up and take a quick walk outside, fresh air really does wonders. I’m lucky enough to work in a place in Sydney called The Rocks, which is right by the harbour. I walked briskly, not wanting to take up too much time of my busy day, down to the waters edge. I sat and began to cry, the tears flowed and I didn’t have the strength to hold them back. The wind blew through my hair as I sat and called out to God.
Have you ever been there, begging the Lord with all your might, tears streaming down your face, asking that He would deliver? If you have, you need to know that He was there alongside you, feeling hurt and broken right there with you. He literally feels the exact pain that you feel.
I started to calm down, my breathing was returning to it’s usual pace, and I wiped the tears from my cheeks. I sighed and looked up to the sky, thanking Him for being ever available to me, to all of us. Just as I was beginning to feel a little hope creep back into my heart, my phone vibrated. It was my boss asking me to come to one of the meeting rooms. I pulled myself together as best I could and began walking quickly back to the office. Light rain began to fall and it felt good. As I arrived at the meeting room, my heart sunk as I looked in to see a group of people having an important meeting that I desperately needed to be a part of. Fifteen minutes late, I slipped in and took my seat, feeling like I might break out in tears again.
“Idiot!” I told myself, “You just had to pick this time to go out of the office didn’t you?”
The rest of the day involved many other hiccups and silly mistakes made by me. By late afternoon, when my boss found something else I had missed, I almost laughed, then realised how inappropriate that would have been. But then I almost cried, so I took a quick bathroom break just incase. I just honestly couldn’t believe that something else could possibly have gone wrong.
And that was just one of my days this week. You could say I am extremely glad for it to be the weekend. And not just any weekend, it’s the Easter weekend. This makes me ridiculously happy for two reasons.
1. We get four days off (honestly, praise the Lord).
2. We get to be apart of the biggest celebration of the year – Easter!
Every year I find myself falling more and more in love with the Easter story. It’s the best because it’s as true today as it was 2 thousand years ago. I’ve found myself crying out to God all week, and He has answered me in many ways, and pulled me through. This wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for Him sending his Son down to die for us. We now get to communicate directly with God, just as He intended it. This week I have been so incredibly grateful for that. Being blessed with an intimate relationship with him, has been the only reason I’ve been able to get out of bed each day and face the new challenges I’m presented with at work.
I want to share with you this promise that I hold extremely close to my heart. It’s from Romans 8:38-39.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God through Christ Jesus our Lord.
How great is that? It is 100% impossible for anything, absolutely anything in this universe to come between us and God, because of what He did that day on the cross. Let that sink in for a minute, because once it hits you, it hits you hard. And this is a promise that will last for ever and ever. It has no expiration date. God’s love is immeasurable, its infinite, and its ours if we choose to take it.
I’ll finish up by letting you know that my week had a happy ending. Yesterday I did my first presentation of my own work to a client, and they loved it! My boss and business manager were so impressed they were telling a lot of people in the office about it. I was overwhelmed with encouragement. I feel so confident that God has placed me right where I am for a reason, and that it’s only going to get better from here. He has reminded me that the world will deal you a terrible hand every now and then, but He can and will always turn that into a positive. Through the mistakes I made this week, I was able to portray my determination and persistence. I didn’t curl up into a ball (which I was very tempted to do) and shut the world out, but rather kept standing back up, dusting off the dirt and taking another step. That’s all God ever expects from us, just keep going.
Falling down will always be a possibility, but true character is birthed when you get back up. I honestly thank God for my challenges this week, as I know I’ve learnt from them and will be able to do a much better job because of them.
Here is one last verse which I love! It’s from Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
I encourage you to seek out God’s purpose for your life this weekend, and to be forever thankful that we have full access to his love and mercy through the miraculous and beautiful exchange that Jesus made on that cross.
Love you all, have the best weekend!!